Karl Szmolinsky holds one of his prize Deutsche Riesen

About a year ago champion rabbit breeder Karl Szmolinsky was contacted by the North Korean government which was looking for a solution to the mass starvation in that communist nation. The plan was that the North Koreans were going to breed some of the giant Deutsche Riesen bunnies Mr. Szmolinsky had planned to slaughter anyway and use them as stock in hopes of creating vast herds of fuzzy, hopping and cuddly cute meals. Imagine it; giant bunny burgers, BBQ bunny with teriyaki sauce and even Honorable Kim’s Hossenfeffer for all!

With good intentions Mr. Szmolinsky sold the Koreans 6 of his best rabbits and a book about how to look after rabbits:

From Vice Magazine:

One month later the rabbits were sent off to North Korea. We tried calling to make sure they had arrived safely but nobody answered the phone. Then they said that the rabbits were in a museum, which I thought was a bit strange. They had studied the book I gave them and said they didn’t need me anymore, but that they would still fly me to North Korea to oversee the breeding center they were building. I was so excited. I’ve lived in this little town my whole life and have never been abroad. Then the day before I was supposed to fly I got a call at 5:35 in the morning saying, “Herr Szmolinsky, you’re not needed anymore. We have everything under control.” I tried calling the embassy but as soon as I said my name they would just hang up. I’d even done a deal with the ZDF [local TV channel]. They were going to do a film about me. They made me a personalized hat and jacket. But the North Koreans said without a visa we wouldn’t be allowed in. Then everything went completely quiet.

So what happened to the bunnies, you ask? The North Korean “plan” all along was just to cook the rabbits for a banquet in honor of their glorious leader’s birthday.

Cook, bring me my hossenfeffer! Hossenfeffer tastes yummy.

No wonder Karl Szmolinsky believes “all politicians are bandits”.

Since the “glorious” leader of North Korea is so keen on the internet (which is where he heard about the giant rabbits in the first place), maybe he should head on over to the Human Descent site (their pictures are fake, the one at the top of this article is not, by the way) for some other ideas on breeding rabbits. Of course, the way his nuclear program is going he may be well on his way to achieving what even Photoshop can’t.

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